sigh

I am trying not to feel too guilty that I should be doing another project (that I don't want to do). I can do realistic stuff, it'd show off my skill at drawing muscles and rah rah rah. Boring. I still feel a little guilty though, that I should be doing this as a true test of my full skill, to show my true potential... but then what? This happens late at night when I feel like everything is crashing around me and I ponder. It's the whole vibe, I can take hours on an inch of paper but what value will this bring? Some false sense of satisfaction - something so tested, so produced intricately. It's not that intricate time-consuming work isn't good... it's just sometimes too forced. I am trying not to feel guilty about my free hand, my free spirit and I am truly trying to believe in myself and my worth.