"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." - Oscar Wilde
I need a break. I am going to Barbados for a bit of work (FreshMilk exhibition), but mostly to reconnect with myself, to hopefully ease my mind and reset my mind and spirit. I am way overdue. After last month's near breakdown and foray into self-hatred, I am reminded of my humanity. I started worrying about the most idiotic details and things that I did not need to be worried about. I was in a total sneaky hate spiral. It's not like I didn't know where I was going, or what I was doing but I was just on edge and possibly hormonal, possibly maniacal. I hope to read, to go to the beach, and I really do not want to feel guilty. Really.
Of course there is a part of me screaming, "lazy incompetent loser!!", but the nurturing part thinks that I seriously need not die from overwork.
The thought of not doing anything creative is gnawing at me but I need to stop - seriously. That's the hardest thing about creative living and independent working - stepping away from your business, your daily tasks and getting sleep or just unloading your mind. I've no doubt realised how harmful this is to my health, and to my peers. I know how to deal with these things but sometimes it gets overwhelming and I am paralysed by fear. It's a natural thing, but it's getting out of it that's key. Thank you creative support network for understanding, for your support and encouragement. See you guys in a week or so - and perhaps I shall have a tan and stop resembling a jar of mayo.